Learning I’m An INFJ Made My Life Worse

When I found out I was an INFJ / INFP (I came out borderline on the P and J parts, but strongly on the INF sides), it was like being in a dark closet all alone, then turning around and seeing that you’re actually in the middle of an enormous mead hall full of like-minded people.

The descriptions of alienation, of feeling different from everybody else, of having incredibly low energy reserves for any kind of activity or interaction, but especially the since of a crushing burden of high destiny–but without any idea of what do do or how to accomplish it–granted me a feeling of membership in a secret organization I never new existed.

The more I searched out INFJ and INFP articles, the less lonely and more validated I felt.

So I crushed it! I read constantly. Everything I could find. Spent hours some days googling and link-hopping my way to greater self knowledge and self awareness–two of my favorite things!

Anyway, I couldn’t read all this stuff and not start acting different.

Yes, the more I read about what my personality type was like, the more difficult it was to do things that were expressly described as being “not my type.” I work in sales. I’m around people constantly. I was in finance at the time–so much bureaucratic drudgery! I felt like all my discomfort I had been suffering through for 6 years was completely justified because it was clearly not the right fit for me.

So I became less patient. I became more withdrawn. I became moody and less able to handle tedious paperwork. I resented the long working hours and the time I was kept from my own self-care, my family, and my creative endeavors.

After a short amount of time, it began to feel intolerable to do my day-to-day work, whereas before, it had only been uninspiring.

This was a big shift.

A few months after all this began to unravel, I was suddenly demoted from my position of 2 years, with a corresponding life-altering pay cut. That was a few weeks ago.

Which brings me to where I am.

My feelings about understanding my Personality type are extremely ambivalent now–

On the one hand, they gave me a sense of validation and belonging which I had never had.

On the other hand, they took violent hold of my moody psychology and presented a justification for my own unhappiness, which made it difficult to continue along my status quo.

Now, I can’t help but feel like I’ve put myself and my family in a precarious position because of my emotions stirred up by realizing I’m an INFJ.

Yet, there is still a sense of hope, like I was painfully shedding some part of myself that just didn’t fit for me. I’ve traded worrying about my health, my legacy, and my sacrificed creative endeavors to now worrying about money, and security, and finding work that can provide that while also being more aligned with my idea of myself.

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